Thursday, March 18, 2010

3 weeks ago

3 weeks ago, it happened
 3 weeks ago, tomorrow to be exact
3 weeks ago...
a piece of my heart left
i stopped setting the table for four
i stopped hearing the singing in shower
i stopped fighting about homework
i stopped getting screamed at
i stopped getting the precious letters of apology
i stopped giving words of wisdom at bedtime
i stopped tucking her in
i stopped being upset about the messy bedroom
i stopped having to repeat myself over and over and over and over
i stopped having to answer those "embarrassing" questions
i stopped hearing her giggle
i stopped being jumpy waiting for her to scare me-again
i stopped hearing her amazing singing in the truck
i stopped seeing their dance videos they made while we were gone
i stopped being able to hug her ---
wishing the pain away while doing it
i stopped being able to tease her about boys-seeing 
her cheeks turn red
i stopped being able to smell her perfume
i stopped being able to tell her 
"that is enough hairspray" every morning

i started being able to pray for her more amd more
i started to realize even more how precious time is
i had to learn the hard rule --
"if you love them, you have to let them go"
i had to learn to love from far away
i still get out 4 plates (and put one back)
i still smell her secret crush shower gel her coconut shampoo-it's still in the shower
i watch the videos of her singing and 
dancing with an ache in my heart
i wish love was enough
i wonder if she feels my love 
i wonder if she only remembers the yelling between us
i will love her for the rest of my life
i wonder - does she hear me saying "i love you schmoopy" 
on her way out the door
i pray for her more and more
3 weeks ago, it happened
 3 weeks ago, tomorrow to be exact
3 weeks ago...
a piece of my heart left